What Retail slump
With so many employer's laying off in 2007, I found myself at the end of the Day Labor line.
Day one,
I live an hour away from everything so I get up at 2:30 AM, shower, then leave.
I arrive at 4:15 AM.
I write my name down on the list. Already I see that my name is third down on the list of employees. As a silent phenomenon, if your name is any farther down on the list than seventh or eighth it could mean you're not going to work that day.
At 7:15 AM, the branch Manager grabs in the clipboard and calls for nineteen people going on the out of state job out of a crowd of thirty of us sitting and standing waiting for our names to be called. There is barely any standing room left while we wait the two-three hours that it could take to get called to go out.
A phantom cloud appears in my mind that says I had to drive over an hour just to come here and if I had to drive another hour there to the job site it with total my travel time on the road to being near four hours travel time for a minimum wage job. My heart sank as I realized that half the day's pay would then go into gas.
While everyone else stepped forward to go on the out of state job I backed up because I knew it was just too far. The risk was too great. Half the people at this location had lost their homes and walked him out of the cold. All of their worldly belongings were now packed into cars and trucks. And that's if they were lucky. Twenty percent of them walked in with back packs and left them in another room while they worked. These were the people that had to go home to the woods and live in tents or seek shelter under cardboard boxes on the cold Chattanooga streets.
We were now a payment behind on the rent. We were now one step away from homelessness ourselves. And every day when I got home from work I would see the hurt look on my seventy-nine year old mother's and my six year old daughter's face as they would ask me “Did you go out today?” And would pat me on the shoulder and say “Well, don't worry about it because maybe tomorrow would be better.” I smiled at them but I couldn't help thinking “But what if it wasn't?” How much more of this could I take?
11AM.
I am now writing this from my van. I felt lost in a sea of all male construction workers. I thought I heard one laughing at me from beneath his breath.
I'm cold. A colder cold and I have ever been before. I guess you could say my life has been sheltered from all of the ugliness in this world by a mother that loved me very much and I have only known being hungry a few times in my life. Now I am thirsty and can see the white frost of my breath as I exhaled out in front of me. Like most people here, I'm not doing this to tame an addiction or to fill a need. I'm doing this to feed my family. Worry fills my mind as I watch car speeding by. My mind races ninety miles per hour. Damn it will you slow down!
As the Branch Manager picks up the clipboard all eyes are on her as if she was a marathon runner about the past torch to one of us. Now as she calls a few names my name is one of them. I get to work today! That means only have to put some money in gas to get back home tonight.
I have been eating a cup of fruit and a Peter butter sandwich per day for the last week. Today I can afford a hamburger! I never realized that meat was such a luxury until now. Everyone here has had some brush or even two with homelessness. The other two people are then called up and we join into teams. We leave together headed for the job site. Today we are going to a large car lot to drive luxury cars. How sweet it is. We would be driving these cars all day in an auction.
I spent a few minutes chit chating with Jimmy who is one of my coworkers. He walks all the way across town to get here by 4:00 AM. It snowed last night .
He's done his share of being cold. He has a nice smile and a warm face and I like talking with him. He pats me on the back and says “don't worry” as I try to think of why no one will help these poor people.
When the time comes we go out to the lot and get in line with the cars that are assigned to us.
My first car is a beautiful gold BMW coup. How ironic is that- I get to drive my favorite dream car.
I leaned back in the seat and inhale the new car smell. It almost smells almost better than a cooking hamburger at this point. I hold the steering wheel with one hand and with the other hand I grabbed the gearshift and lowered it into drive. I looked at myself in the rearview mirror then said “I am now driving my dream car!” Even if it was only for short time.
I spent the whole day driving new cars and with each one I would first move the seat up. If it was able to even move up.
The the the women at the car lot were dressed to the nines. As they looked at me I look back at them and remember that I used to resemble them too. Complete with manicured nails and fancy hair. Some of the first things to go were my Bill Blass, my Oscar De La Renta, and my Donna Karen wardrobe. These too were now long gone luxuries that I couldn't afford. My new slogan was “food before fashion.”
Day two,
The next day I arrived late at 4:30 AM. I silently cursed to myself “Damn it; I'm too late!”
Had I not had to stop for gas I would've been closer up on the list. I stood in line for an hour in the 14° weather and the place was again filled with people living just above homelessness.
Some of the men had joined together and built a camp in the woods down the street.
I looked around and it boggled my mind as to how Chattanooga was such a big place and that so many people here were hungry and homeless. How could so many people be cold, hungry, and alone in such a big City? I just couldn't understand it.
I sat down while the other names were being called. The guy in front of me got called and the guy beside me got called and that was it. Suddenly I felt like being at an auction house but instead of all of us bidding on furniture WEwere the ones actually being auctioned off. There was twenty of us that didn't go out. We were auctioning off a little piece of ourselves and our dignity a little hunk of it more every day.
After the names were done being called all of us went back to whatever it was they were doing before the clipboard got picked up. A few minutes turned into an hour and then two hours, and then so forth before finally leaving it down to one other guy and myself. He was old and tattered. And I was a woman. Neither of us were ideal choices for working out in the snow. Every time the phone rang it gave us each a glimmer of hope. But sadly neither of us went out after sitting there all day. I calculated it up in my head. That was eight hours lost when I could have been working somewhere else. How do people survive like this?
I sat there wondering how I would break the news to my mother and daughter. No work equals no food or rent payment. Soon equals no home. It didn't take rocket science to figure that one out.
A teenager walks in wearing an activist shirt.It has a “No swastika!” on the front and “No kill” on the back in black marker. I like that. Teenagers all want to become activists and believe in something worthwhile. It isn't until society changes their hopes and dreams that they decide to do something else with their time and creative arts.
Day three,
Again arrived too late. Where are all of these people coming from? How can there be so many homeless people? I contemplated letting an older man go out in my place if I get called. He hasn't eatin in two days. Maybe I should share my peanut butter sandwich with him? I could use to skip a meal.
Already three pages of names on arrival sheet. I was shocked at the amount of people ahead of me. Find at the hard way I could have went out if I had arrived five minutes earlier. Again with the math. No work equals no food or rent payment equals no home. Another day of either sitting in the cold car or hearing my name called. Which was it going to be I wondered?
I looked at the other people waiting and realized this is how people slip away. Their desitute faces showing on a faint reminder of the people they once were. The melting pot of America was melting away. The little bit of something you have slowly gets farther and farther out of your grasp and then before you know it, it all disappears taking you down the rabbit hole with it. Before long you completely dissapear never to be heard from again. Survival becomes the only thought on your mind.
The news came that one of them men died last night. He froze to death on the streets. How could this have happened?
In the other room two guys break out into an argument. One of them is picking on a guy they tease all the time for eating out of a dumpster. He storms outside. I go outside too to keep from getting caught in the whole thing. The guy was one of the few to be kind to me so I talk to him and calm him down. He is a hard worker. Probably the hardest worker here. And is usually the first one here. He sleeps beneath two pieces of cardboard at the front door to ensure his spot in line. I hold back tears as I wonder if things have really gotten this bad for the world. What Country let's their people die like this. Where is the comfort of life in a situation like this? What will happen to America if this keeps up? Instead of my mind being on work, it was on how I could help these people. It gave me something to strive for. If I won the lottery or received a gift from heaven I would build a shelter right here for these amazing people. These kind hearted people made the people I worked with in retail look pale in comparison. And that's saying something.
11AM.
People are now calling me by name and greeting me in passing. I am one of the guys. The way I am dressed, you couldn't even tell I was a woman. It is better that way. If you know what I mean.
I receive a call while waiting that confirmed my dog has cancer. I slump in my seat and hold back the tears. I step outside to my van and
I call a few different Vet's inquiring about the cost of a leg amputation for my ten year old dog because of the cancer. She fell on the back porch and broke her hock. It was broken in a way that destroyed the whole hock. There was no saving it because the bone was shattered. The leg would have to come off.
The first Vet tells me between $850.00 and $2,000.00. I ask if they take payment plans? She just snickered. I close my cell phone and wonder what to do next.
I make another half a dozen calls to Vet's. All saying the same thing. Now not only is my family depending on me but I have a few months to come up with enough money for an amputation for my dog's leg.
So let's see if I am processing this right. The hock joint can't be repaired and I'm now on the verge of homelessness. I had to now find the strength to watch my best friend die because there was nothing that I could do for her. That morning she had started biting at it causing it to bleed. If I wasn't careful infection would set in. It was all I could do for her was to keep it clean. No wonder people become lunatics. Now I see how the whole process happens.
My heart sank into greater despair. I'm not from a rich family and had to scrape for the money for my Master's and PhD thinking that I would be able to use them for some greater purpose in my life. So far, in this asphalt jungle they aren't worth the paper that they are even printed on. I'm from seven generations of farmers and by getting my degree's I had intended to break the cycle of poverty once and for all. Hell, if anybody could do it *I* could! And yet here I am in the freezing cold thnking that if I had the degrees in front of me I could use them to start a fire and keep us all warm.
Day four,
I am one of the first one's that arrive.
I sit waiting in the car in 11° weather. I am so cold my hands are shaking and my ears feel frozen to my head. My teeth won't stop chattering.
I am from Florida so this is like the Polar Ice Cap to me. Today I am going somewhere. I just feel it. I sign in and sit down drinking my gas station coffee. Which is as bitter as mud and as black as the rubber on my tires. Probably tastes similar. My heart starts beating fast as I know I'm going to be the first one called. Everyone turns their head to watch as the clipboard got picked up. will I be overlooked? Sometimes women are overlooked completely when it comes to construction jobs. I've worked in construction before and I know how to sling a hammer. By God I'm going out today! All eyes are on me because they know I signed in first. I grip my seat with full force because the suspense is killing me. Come on. Come on. Come on!
She picks up the clipboard. She then calls my name.
I go up to the desk and get my directions. It is across town where I have to meet with a cleaning company. When I get there I have to pass a background check.
I sipped my coffee for the few minutes that it takes to pass the background check and when all is clear we load up in the owner's truck. My foreman tells me that we are going to clean the house of someone famous and that is why I had to pass a background check. I become nervous and start figiting with my already half eaten fingernails. God. I don't even smoke but I could use a piece of gum or a ciggerette right now.
An hour later on the other side of Georgia we arrive.
We were so high up in the mountains I could see all three states from where we were. My heart raced in my chest and pounded harder and harder the closer that we got to our location.
Once we arrived I got out all of my cleaning products out of the van and began to look around. What a beautiful place. It looked like heaven to me so befitting that they would name it Cloudland.
A wonderful little woman came outside the greet us. Her name was Mr. Virginia. And she was the wife to someone famous. You wouldn't know it by looking at her.
She was the nicest woman I have ever met before and we became good friends. I loved animals and so did she. She liked rock climbing, which was seemingly unheard of and rather dangerous for a person her age. She was rugged and not afraid to take crazy risks by climbing down the mountain behind her house.
I could only imagine how wild she could have been as a younger woman in her prime. There was even pictures of her along side of the construction crew breaking ground on the house before it was built. I admired her strong spirit. I had made a silent commitment to myself to be that strong and determined when I got her age. In the house I found six or eight cats all with their own room. Their own $25,000 day bed and imported tiles from Italy for their flooring in their room.
I petted a shy one that doesn't allow anyone to pet it. Ever. She says that it can tell I am a good person. I pet another one that is pretty spoiled. I whisper to him if he knows what a lucky cat he is because I know homeless guys that would give anything to eat as good as he does. He gives me a sarcastic wink and a meow. I tell the guy I am working with not to use chemicals because cats are highly allergic. He says ok. She liked the fact that I was looking out for her babies.
She had a shrine built for her pets which gave me the idea to do the same for mine. What a loving gesture to give back to the animals. I went back the next week to clean again. I enjoyed talking with her as I worked. After I was done we would walk for a while through the woods and down to a waterfall that she helped build. This was an amazing woman. I felt lucky to have this opportunity to help her with whatever she needed done.
She started calling me all the time and when she wasn't calling me, I was calling her. Sometimes just to check in. I couldn't take the long cold drive any longer so I went back to retail. A few months later my dog had taken a turn for the worst. She called me up and said that she wanted to do something special for me as a way of saying thank you, but by now there was no hope for my dog. Six months had passed with no progress. The cancer had spread up to her hip and there wasn't much time left. I was now living paycheck to paycheck and still spending $450 per month in just gas back and forth to work. I couldn't even afford to put my girl down. Miss Virginia said that her sister was a Veterinarian and said that she would see what she could do. So the special gift she had given me was giving my dog her final repose. I lost my best friend only to gain another in human form. I am so blessed to have her as a friend
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